Righteous Joseph: Mercy Prevailed Over Public Shame

Choosing grace and compassion is always hard, but it’s especially hard when you feel betrayed and hurt. I want to be honest and vulnerable here. Last year, I was in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship that involved multiple instances of cheating. I was hurt over and over again, but I kept trying to make it work. When I finally left, I didn’t handle it the way Joseph did. I was angry. After staying silent for so long, I wanted people to know what actually happened. I told my friends and shared my story, and while that mattered, it didn’t bring the healing I expected.

My heart was still hurting, and I felt stuck and I wondered if I had chosen the wrong path towards healing. What helped me the most wasn’t talking about it—it was praying about it. I brought my anger, hurt, and confusion to God. Nothing was off the table. I remember hearing the song “Goodness of God” and really resonating with the lyrics, “I love Your voice, You have led me through the fire. In darkest night, You are close like no other.” He was close to me when no one else could be. He was always there.

I also think it’s important to remember that Jesus understands betrayal. He wept. He experienced deep loss and rejection. He met me in the full humanness of my pain. Choosing to forgive my ex and myself, even when it felt impossible after everything I experienced, was part of that process. Getting more involved in church and being surrounded by community slowly softened my heart. That’s where real healing started.

I also realized that my ex was incredibly broken. I mean, we all are, right? And while I don’t excuse anything that happened, I felt and still feel sadness and compassion for him. If I could do it over again and respond more like Joseph, I think I would.

Joseph also gave up something huge. Obeying God meant surrendering what many would have seen as a Jewish father’s greatest privilege—being the biological father of his firstborn son. That kind of loss is hard to accept. I relate to that in a different way. That relationship was my first real one, and I had so many hopes tied to it. When it ended, it felt like something I had waited for was taken away, or like I had failed. I stayed longer than I should have because I didn’t want it to reflect poorly on me, and I didn’t want to let go of the future I had imagined. It was also embarrassing and still is to admit that I was in that kind of relationship. Me, a strong woman and a beloved child of God, even when I knew God wanted more for me.

This passage reminds me that righteousness isn’t about reacting perfectly, it’s about choosing mercy and trusting God with what we lose. I think it’s also about learning from the past and doing things differently in the future. Joseph trusted God with his pain, his reputation, and his dreams. I’m learning to do the same. Trusting God with our hopes and our hurt is one of the best things we can do. My prayer is that God continues to shape my heart so that, like Joseph, my righteousness leans toward mercy and I become someone who is safe for others.