“And now, O glorious and blessed God, father, son and Holy Spirit, thou art mine and I am thine. So be it.”

An “article” on archaeology noted the recent discovery of a transcript from circa 33 A.D:

Good morning!  Thanks for calling Gideon’s Glibful Gurus of Guidance–The ultimate 4G Network, providing marketing services across the Promised Land.  To whom am I speaking?

Oh hey, Peter.  Good to chat with you again. Do you need some assistance with your fishing company? Oh really? You gave up fishing to follow a Rabbi named Jesus. Huh, so I guess you could say you went from Fishing for Cod to Fishing for God. (Chuckling) Oh, right–back to business.

Well, as you know we’ve worked with Godly people before. We were the ones who helped Moses with the branding of the Hebrews new home as the “Land of Milk & Honey.” It’s still legendary in marketing circles. (However, Moses did not appreciate the sticker we stuck on the back of the Ten Commandments that read, “Placed by the Gideons.”)

We also helped Noah hype up his recruitment for the ark by changing the description to a luxury cruise with live entertainment. The carnivores loved when the performer “Meat Loaf” was on stage & the rabbits were crazy about the redheaded comedian “Carrot Top.”

So, what do you need today? You had your final meeting with Jesus & you have been given a big assignment. Peter, Peter…you know the #1 goal of any meeting is to leave without homework. 

Huh. Your goal is to tell others about the good news of Jesus Christ. To go & make disciples of all nations, to baptize them in the name of God, & to teach them to obey everything Jesus taught. Wow. All nations? Even Samaria? 

Okay. Man-made borders & divisions can’t limit God’s love. Check. Are you looking at developing a huge social media presence? Oh. Just “word of mouth.” Ah yes, the original “face-book.”

Tell me about your staffing. You have 11 dedicated staff members, formal education is limited, no social status, per se, & limited language skills. Huh. What’s your budget? Oh my. No formal expense budget & no benefit plan, though each staffer will enjoy the Fruit of the Spirit.

I’ve got to admit, Peter, this seems extremely daunting. I know you are impulsive, but you can’t really expect to get your message out with this rag-tag operation & shoestring budget. I’d limit your push to the Galilee area, set quotas of 10 believers/month & then maybe eventually set up a satellite campus in Nazareth. With any luck, in a couple of thousand years you might be able to create a small niche market in Northern Israel.

Oh, that’s not good enough? Jesus is expecting His message of love & hope to be spread around the globe & to transform the world for thousands of years? Um. How can you possibly be expected to accomplish this on your own?

I see. Jesus hasn’t just given you a command. He’s also made a promise to you. He’ll be with you every step of the way. You’ll be able to go to God with prayers of thanksgiving & awe, you’ll be able to go to Jesus for pleas of grace & compassion, & you’ll be able to go to the Holy Spirit for inspiration, comfort, & counsel. Huh. You know, this might actually work. One thing I’ve learned through the years is that you never bet against God.

Well, good luck & best wishes Peter. We’ll know in a few years whether you guys were successful. Say, Peter, if you are going to be an influencer, you should go by Jesus’ nickname for you, “Peter the Rock,” instead of just “Peter.” It’d give you lots of juice in the marketplace & project a persona of strength & power–I mean unless someone attacks you with paper. (Chuckling.) Hello? Huh. I guess he’s not a fan of the “Rock-Paper-Scissors” game.