Bold love in a confused church

Let’s get something straight. I am not bold. It doesn’t mean I am shy or weak. But neither am I swashbuckling and fearless. My guess is that many of you fall into a similar bucket.

I am a peacemaker. The Enneagram rates me as a number nine on the widely-accepted personality model. This ancient tool offers insight into our core driving motivations and helps us understand ourselves, as well as others. ^* Nines do not like to rock the boat. Or walk on water.

At least, most of the time… but there are exceptions to almost every rule… like the time as a high school freshman, I boldly mocked the teacher who was limping awkwardly in front of me. It was truly uncharacteristic of me, but I had an audience of peers and I acted boldly to get a laugh. Of course, said teacher had eyes in the back of his head, and he called me on it right there in front of everybody. (He was the wrong person to mimic, as it turned out.)

Then there was the time my husband and I were visiting his parents and we dropped by to visit a church family that had recently moved into a tiny, ramshackle house. Upon entering, in order to make a connection with the disheartened woman, who was standing beside a window taking down the ratty curtains, I boldly (but stupidly) said, “Aren’t those the ugliest curtains you have ever seen?” Her meek reply sickened me, “Oh, I am just putting them up.” Silence. I hurried outside looking for a quiet place to lament (and throw up.) It is easy to be bold for the glory of Dawn. Not so much to be bold for the glory of God.

Are you intimidated just a little bit (or a lot) upon hearing the admonition to love boldly? The phrase “love boldly” is ambiguous. Because it does not look like one specific thing, it is easy to watch what others do and either hop on or jump off their wagons. Our human tendency to compare ourselves with each other gets in the way even, I am sorry to tell you, with followers of Jesus.

I’ll show you what I mean. Are you possibly thinking about the two women from your church who are leaving soon to go on a mission trip to South Africa? Or do you get a mental image, like I do, of an over-zealous Christian preaching the gospel on a crowded sidewalk, megaphone in one hand and religious tracts in the other? If so, I imagine you are telling yourself, “If that is loving boldly, I’m out. I can’t do it. That is not me!”

Which is exactly the point. Why do we expect ourselves to love like others love? God made each of us unique with variegated gifts and colorful temperaments. And with multiple languages, love languages. In the early 1990s, minister and educator Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The Five Love Languages^{. **} The book, which has sold over 20 million copies, explored the various ways people express and receive love. Chapman called them love languages and taught that understanding them could help people communicate more effectively and increase their emotional connections. He named the languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and gifts. He gave insights into each of the five languages and helped readers to identify their own and their spouse’s languages. I discerned way back then that my love language is words of affirmation. That is what leads me to feeling most loved. It is also the love language that I like to give to others.

Let us love boldly in our own love language. I am speaking my language in writing this GPS blog. You may be speaking your love language when you travel to South Africa as an act of service. Or when you eat lunch and spend quality time with someone who lives alone. Think about which of these languages leads you to feel loved. And then love boldly by giving that same gift to someone else.

Loving boldly by using what comes most naturally to us builds our confidence. So that we can then step out of our safety space and love boldly in a different love language. Loving boldly does not need to be loud, big or boisterous. It does not need to mimic anyone else, even the apostle Paul. It just needs to be real.