Building Relationships on Christ's Lasting Peace

Earlier this week I found myself in a conversation with a young adult about taking the next step in their dating relationship. They asked the question, “How do you know they’re the one”? It’s a question many of us have probably asked multiple times in our lives about all types of relationships, be it romantic partners, business partners or friends. The question is a tricky one. On its surface it implies that there is a straightforward yes or no answer waiting at the end of it. I could tell from the conversation I was having that what they wanted to hear was a 100% guarantee that if they moved forward with the relationship, it would be successful. Unfortunately, in life there’s no such guarantee. Relationships are risky. Good ones require you to be vulnerable and accountable and they come with ups and downs. In short, they are messy.

I could tell that my response wasn’t giving the answer they were seeking. Instead, I shared the one thing that I know to be true in any healthy relationship. Choice. While love is often touted as the pinnacle of romance and emotion by poets and songwriters, it is often more a choice than a feeling. In my marriage of almost 25 years, every day I have to get up and decide to love my husband. Most days that’s an easy choice, but there are some days where it’s not. Every day I have to decide to love my kids. Again, some days it’s easy and some days it’s not. And somedays I am just trying to survive the teenage years. The point is that it’s a choice we can make.

I was thinking about this in relationship to the charge we are given in Colossians. “Whatever you do, whether in speech or action, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus and give thanks to God the Father through him.” In our politically charged culture this is no easy ask. When it seems like so much of our lives are viewed through a lens of “other” it can be hard to find common ground, let alone the desire to love others. This is where the difficult but freeing truth lies. God doesn’t ask us to dig deep and find the emotion to move us to loving others, He invites us to choose it.

That means I don’t have to fabricate emotions with someone I disagree with. I don’t have to pretend to not be hurt by someone who says or does something careless. Instead, I can show up as myself–with all the emotions and feelings that come with that–and still choose to love someone else. In the same way that I know Jesus chooses to love me, with all my imperfections and faults, I can choose to love others.

When I choose to love my husband, my kids, my co-workers I’m a better wife, mother and teammate. In a world where there is plenty of me vs them, maybe we can start to turn the tide one choice at a time.