Jesus' love the source of our love

This week’s theme led me to “visit” with Dr. Michael Rafone, an expert in the field of communication with the consulting firm, S.H.H. (Still, Hear, & Heed).

DL: Dr. Rafone, what are some challenges to effective communications?

Mike Rafone: Please call me Mike. First, we have to make sure the channels of communication are free & clear. Like the old story of the guy complaining to his doctor that he can’t hear out of one ear. When asked, “Which ear?” the guy responds, “2025.”

Secondly, is the audience willing to receive the message? Like the preacher’s story of his microphone going on the fritz mid-sermon–after many fits & starts, he asks if it is working now. A guy in the back shouts, “I still can’t hear you.” A gentleman on the front row stands & says, “I can hear him fine. I’ll trade seats with you.”

Finally, we have to make sure the intended audience can comprehend the message. We don’t want misunderstandings like the husband who came out of the shower covered in glitter. His wife asks, “What is this?” The husband responds, “You said I never glisten.” The wife replies, “LISTEN! I said you never listen!” Husband: “Oh.”

DL: Boy–that would be awkward, though easy to understand the confusion. As we consider the Biblical charge to love one another, I recall one of my favorite theologians, Dallas Willard, contending that, “The first act of love is always the giving of attention.” * I was thinking, if all we have to do is to be a good listener, then loving others should be a breeze.

Mike Rafone: You would think so, but actually being a good listener can be a real challenge. The typical person will hear between 30,000-40,000 words per day & retain maybe 25% of the information they hear. Yet, 96% of people contend they are good listeners. 

DL: How might we improve our listening skills?

Mike Rafone: First, stop talking. Like a small boy with a new walkie-talkie, you need to release the “talk” button at some point & be still & listen. Remember, talk is cheap, because Supply always exceeds Demand.

Secondly, prepare yourself to listen. Eliminate distractions & focus on what the other person is saying. Multi-tasking and effective listening are incompatible.

DL: Amen! I remember a chat with my wife, Doris, about choosing a rug or drapes or something & she says, “So, which one do you prefer?” And I thought, “That’s a weird way to start a conversation.”

Mike Rafone: Um, yes. Finally, we tell our clients to empathize with the speaker. Listen with the genuine goal of understanding what they are saying, rather than listening with the intent to respond. Set aside preconceived notions. Don’t interrupt with your own ideas before the other person has even finished talking. As the Coasters sang, “Yakety Yak, Don’t Talk Back.”

DL: Good tips. As we wrap up, I have to ask you about your company’s name.

Mike Rafone: In order to effectively exchange ideas, we need to first become good listeners. So, we should make sure that we are prepared to just be still, to pause & actually hear their ideas, & to ultimately pay attention/heed their message. So, we tell our clients that when another person is speaking, we should order our brains to just go “S.H.H.”

DL: Excellent advice.  Thanks so much for your time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to Hobby Lobby to return a package of glitter.

Mike Rafone: (Staring) Oh. So that’s how you knew that story. 

* A Dallas Willard Dictionary by Elane O’Rourke, 2013.