Prayer Tip--Closing the Friendship Gap

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

This is not an easy commandment. Jesus loves us perfectly. Even with our very best intentions, most of us love imperfectly most of the time. On top of that, he wasn’t just talking about loving our family, or our friends. He was talking about all the others. Everyone. The ones we already love, and the ones we don’t really care for, and the ones we just plain don’t want to love at all. How can we honestly and truly love one all?

When I was much, much younger, a wonderful pastor, Rev. Dr. Joseph Pallikkathayil, gave me some of the best advice anyone has offered me. I was struggling with a more-than-strong dislike of an extended family member, and knew the feelings were mutual. My feelings about this person were eating me up and spilling out into the rest of my life.

Rev. Joe said, “Have you prayed for her?” I looked at him like he was crazy, and he smiled. “Pray for her. Ask God to give you the words. Pray for her. You may never like her, but it is impossible to hate someone you are honestly praying for.”

So I did. Throughout the rest of our connected lives, I prayed for her. I confessed to God that it was hard. I routinely told God that I didn’t know what to say, except for complaints. I was pretty sure that wasn’t the point of praying for her. Slowly, my attitude began to change. I began to be able to see her as another one of God’s children. I asked God to grant me the grace to impact our relationship. I didn’t pray for her changed behavior or attitude towards me. At Rev. Joe’s suggestion, I prayed for her to feel the love and joy that comes with knowing Jesus. I prayed for her to be happy and healthy and loved. Nothing was perfect, but he was right. It is very hard to hate someone you pray for on a regular basis.

So, as we try to follow Jesus’ commandment to love each other–all of each other–let’s pray for the ones we don’t like, the ones we can’t stand, the ones we might come close to hating. As in all prayer, it may not change them, but it will surely change us.