Like so many of us, I never gave death a second thought for myself… until I entered my fifties. Here’s why: everyone in my immediate family who preceded me in death passed away before the age of 70. My father was 67 when he died; my mother was 69—just shy of her 70th birthday. My older brother was 61. Cancer was the scourge that claimed all three.
When I shared this family history with one of my doctors, they simply observed, “Well, that’s not good.” Understated, to say the least.
Shortly after my 50th birthday, an uninvited thought cut across my mind: What if I have less than 20 years to live? Before the thought had barely finished forming, a cold dread slipped over my heart, and a dark cloak of despair settled onto my shoulders. I tried to push the emotions away, but they lingered in this season—muted, yet never fully gone.
During that time, my prayer became, “Let the peace of Christ rule in my heart” (Col. 3:15) and “God of hope, I trust in you” (Rom. 15:13). They could just as easily have been, “You are the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25) or “Death has been swallowed up in victory” (1 Cor. 15:54).
After a couple of years, the dam finally broke, and the day came when I had to face this fear head-on. This time, I directed the question to God: “God, what if I have less than 20 years left?”
I sensed the peace of God I had prayed for so many times. I sensed God “saying” (not an audible voice), “That may be true—but how will it change the way you live each day?”
As I considered this, I realized that, if anything, it would galvanize me to make sure my years truly matter. I also sensed one more thing I believe was from God: “Besides, I will be with you every step of the way.”
I’d love to tell you that the fear was completely defeated. But I’ve had to face it many times since. The difference now is a deeper assurance that this matter is in God’s hands—and that God is with me as I wrestle with it. When I remember this, the power the fear holds over me is diminished.
What fear do you have right now that is controlling or limiting your life?
What might happen if you gave that fear to God and asked for the strength to persevere?
Please pray with me: