Step 1: Look honestly at yourself

With the new year starting, this passage by Dr. King really hit home and spoke to me in a new and different way. “In order to love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self . . .”

For the first time since I was a kid, I didn’t start the new year with a list of resolutions or “better me” goals. Trust me, I know there are many things I need to focus on and a laundry list of ways I could be better. But as I was thinking of all the things that might need my attention, claiming these as my resolutions felt trite.

The things I was thinking of adding to my list were “task things”, not “heart things.” I was thinking of the type of actions that I would normally list–exercise, eat healthy, journal regularly, declutter and purge, send cards on time (yes, I just realized a stack of Christmas cards didn’t make it in the mail)–you know the stuff.

While any of these things would be great, and are definitely not bad goals, these actions don’t truly change me. They don’t refine me in ways that really matter. A thin, fit me that does unkind things is no better than current me being an icky person. Sending a sympathy card because I don’t want to take time to actually sit in the muck with someone as they grieve is a fail, even if the card gets there in a timely manner. And if I sit in my spotless clutter free house and ignore the needs of those who are unhoused or hungry, I am missing my purpose. If I look the other way when people are being persecuted or oppressed, I am no better than those doing the attacking.

You see, Dr. King’s call to “analyze self” doesn’t apply to just how to love my enemies, but how to more deeply love everyone. When I fail to examine my actions and my motives, it’s very easy to justify my less than desirable behaviors. When I don’t evaluate myself, it is much easier to excuse my failure to step up.

Taking a close, honest look at my “self” forces me to see where I have fallen short of my purpose, where I have not been the person God calls me to be, and when I have not loved people the way I should.

So even though they are coming a bit late, I find myself wanting to make some resolutions, to set some “better me” goals for 2024. This year, rather than making a list of tasks, I am going to focus on some hard introspection. This year, I am going to ask and answer the tough questions:

• Do my actions reflect my beliefs?
• Are my values clear to other people?
• Have I done something today that makes the world better for someone else?
• Where are places in my life where I can lean into rather than turn away from the needs of others?
• Am I taking a stand for those who are being mistreated?
• What privileges do I take for granted that I need to acknowledge are not available to everyone?

But it takes more than just analyzing my “self.” I have to look honestly at my answers, and face head on, where I am falling short. Then, I have to adjust my actions, declare and live into my values, consciously focus on the needs of others, step outside my comfort zone, and educate myself on the struggles that I have not experienced myself.

Most of all, I will continue to analyze and adjust, realizing that I am a work in progress. And I will give myself grace where I fail, celebrate where I succeed and hope that when I look back on my 2024 goals, I can see some improvement in my “self.”