Comforted To Comfort: God's Healing Connection

Offering comfort during times of turmoil is not my strong suit. When we were first married, Doris would occasionally share some concerns or challenges. Instead of just listening, my autopilot response would inevitably be to offer a solution saying, “Well, you know what I would do….”. This happened with such frequency it became a catch phrase for both of us that we laugh about today. (Both of you laugh? – Editor. Well, we’ll eventually find out when Doris selects my nursing home. – DL)

Offering consolation isn’t a challenge isolated to just me. Growing up we’ve all heard “solutions” to our struggles/pain that include “put some dirt on it,” or “shake it off” or “it isn’t that noticeable with the right lighting.” I recall an older friend of the family, who had lost his left arm in a farming accident. As I sat around listening to the old codgers visit, the prevailing wisdom offered by his friends was that, “being right-handed, he was lucky it wasn’t his right arm.” Our friend gently shook his head & smiled at me, acknowledging that human nature doesn’t handle grief/struggles very well.

This realization led to an interesting discussion in a Disciple class a few years ago. Why do we seem to struggle with offering comfort or consolation to friends or family who are grieving? One friend suggested it goes against our tendencies to be self-focused. Hence, we often unhelpfully say, “I know just what you are going through,” though, as students of grief know, that isn’t accurate and takes the focus off the person grieving.

I would submit this self-focus presents itself in other areas of our life as well. For example, we might be hesitant to go to church if we don’t think we’ll get much out of the sermon topic or experience. However, this overlooks the point that church isn’t supposed to be all about us; rather it is an opportunity for us to worship God. Like the old preacher story of a pastor in Washington D.C. in the 1930’s who received a call from a potential congregant asking if President Roosevelt would be in attendance on Sunday. The pastor replied, “I don’t know. But we fully expect God to be in worship with us and He always draws a big crowd.”

Or we might see this in our small group attendance. We might be reluctant to attend because we are weary or the topic doesn’t seem particularly enticing, overlooking this gathering as an opportunity to be of comfort or blessing to the others in the group. It’s great to have friends we can count on to be our stretcher-bearers, but to whom are we a rock of support & blessing?

Maybe we see it in our prayer life. If we have a major prayer request, it takes top priority & we pray with passion & frequency. However, do we pray with the same fervency when it is a request for someone else?

So, this self-focus likely gets in the way of providing comfort to our friends in Christ. What might we do? Maybe we could store away in our minds one of William Booth’s annual Christmas messages from years ago. (Mr. Booth was founder of the Salvation Army.) His presentation consisted of one word: “Others.”

What if we shifted our focus from ourselves & sought to make being a comfort & blessing to others our priority? Sounds great? Well, you know what I would do…