Living the Golden Rule Begins at Home

Two questions I regularly wrestle with are, Am I safe? Does my life matter? You? On a basic level I have a home that is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. So, yes, I am physically safe. I have a job that brings me much joy and deep meaning. So, yes, my life matters. When I think about my life, I can intellectually recognize that I am safe and I am God’s beloved. But when I reflect on these questions as they pertain to my relationships with family, friends, and strangers, well, that is more complicated.

Pastor Wendy shared in the sermon yesterday that Genesis 2:18 reminds us that when God created the first human God recognized that humans are better in relationship. Companionship is a gift. Wendy shared that the Hebrew word for “helper” is “ezer k’negdo.” She went on to quote Rabbi Sharon Brous from her book, The Amen Effect, offering a deeper explanation of this word, “helpmate.” “Someone to help you (an ezer) by standing opposite you (k’negged lo). Someone to face you, even when everyone else looks away. Someone to turn toward you and say, ‘I am here, tell me your pain.’ Someone to support, to challenge, even to confront when necessary.” That kind of relationship invites vulnerability, trust, and commitment. Not all relationships will go to a deep level, but I believe in friendship, partnership, and even work relationships we can offer this kind of love to one another. Certainly, if someone is harmful boundaries are appropriate. When it is possible this kind of mutual care, respect, and support is desirable.

An awareness of power dynamics and a desire to love as God loves are two important elements that help us to have the kind of relationships I think Jesus makes possible. In my relationship with my kids it is up to me to recognize that I have power as their mom. So how will I live into that authority? How will I listen, show compassion and patience, and support them so they feel safe and like their lives matter? How will I seek to repair any hurts in our relationship when I need to apologize and/or they need to be challenged?

When I read the passage from the Gospel of Matthew I hear a multilayered invitation. When we are called to “treat people in the same way that you want to be treated” we need to have a foundation of knowing we are beloved. When we know that God loves us it makes it easier to open our hearts and hands to care for our neighbors. When I see my neighbors and their needs, and I think about what I would want, I’m challenged to love in sacrificial ways. One thing I think a lot about as someone who loves brutal honesty is that not everyone wants to be treated like I want to be treated. (How do I avoid the occasionally painful truth others might be thinking? I don’t ask what they are thinking unless I’m ready to hear their thoughts.) If love is what drives me, then I can ask, “how does this person I’m connecting with want to be loved?” That kind of questions invites me to get to know my co-workers, neighbors, and friends. One of my kids loves big hugs. The other likes going on walks with me so he can share all about his day.

In the midst of the challenges we are facing in our lives, our communities, and our world, I want to invite us to reflect on what we need to feel safe and loved and then to look out and see what others need to feel safe and loved. I want to encourage us to try to build relationships filled with trust, care, and respect. As Pastors Scott and Wendy shared yesterday, we are better together.