No More Tit-for-Tat: Live Generously

As we consider today’s theme of loving our enemies, I thought it might be helpful to visit with Michael Alice, founder of R.I.V.A.L.S. (A society for the easily Repulsed, those with Ill will, Vitriol, who Abor others, & are full of Loathing, & Scorn.)

DL: That’s quite a list.  What does your organization actually do?

M. Alice: Thank you.  As we always say, “From the sandbox to the pinebox, our lives will always have R.I.V.A.L.S.”  We have developed an App to help our clients keep a list of their enemies & to keep a tally of every possible slight, thoughtless remark, or errant social media posting so that their anger/disgust remains at the highest level possible.  As we say, “You really aren’t at your peak, unless your lives are full of pique!”

DL: How does this help your clients?

M. Alice: Knowing that you are “owed” some form of revenge or retribution, allows you to be completely justified getting back at your enemy with some zinger or vicious slur.  It’s incredibly liberating.  No guilt.  No remorse.  You are just getting even.  As we like to say, “It’s not business, it’s personal!”

DL: Has the advent of social media impacted your business prospects?

M. Alice: Absolutely.  Goodness.  Can you imagine anyone taking the time to write, stamp, & mail a letter to snarkily comment on someone’s statement or attire?  Today, we can attack multiple enemies on multiple topics before our coffee reaches room temperature.

DL: Why does your App have a special feature for weddings, reunions, & funerals?

M. Alice: Oh, this is when we really help our clients.  You’d be surprised how forgetful we can be.  So, we can display our archives of all sorts of gossip, grudges, & grievances that help ensure that our clients are at their grouchiest & grumpiest best.  We call it the “Ultimate 5G Network.”

DL: I understand the temptations of all this, but it doesn’t really sync up with Jesus’ challenge that we are to love our enemies.

M. Alice: Agreed.  But to be honest, most people don’t even know what a life of loving your enemies would even look like.

DL: Well, consider these ideas:

• Choose restraint over reaction.  You don’t have to escalate every little interaction.  If someone mis-pronounces “Lippe,” it doesn’t automatically mean they curse all of the descendants of the Holy Roman Empire.

• Don’t always assign the worst possible motives to the other person.  Just because someone rudely merges on the highway at the very last second, doesn’t necessarily mean they hate you with the passion of a 1,000 suns.
• You don’t have to win every argument.  If you catch yourself starting to check online for the 1891 patent for toilet paper to see if the loose-end is supposed to go over the top of the roll instead of under the bottom of the roll, you might want to just set your phone down.
• Detach your self-worth from your possessions & your pride; no one really cares that you have the new iPhone 17 Pro-Max.
• Do more than the bare minimum.  It’s okay to not only fold the laundry as asked, but to actually put it away in the drawers.  (Yes, even though it hasn’t “aged” properly.)
• Pause to understand the other person’s perspective before jumping to conclusions.  Just because Doris didn’t laugh uproariously at my joke, doesn’t mean she didn’t think it was hilarious; maybe she just didn’t hear me.

You know, you could set up an App called L.O.V.E. (Listen – Others first – Value – Encourage.).  You’d double your market-share.

M. Alice: It’s an idea so crazy; it just might work.

DL: Thanks for your time.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go re-tell my joke to Doris, but I’ll make sure I’m louder this time.