The Ache of Comparing Ourselves to Others
Daily Scripture
Psalm 73:2-14
2 But me? My feet had almost stumbled;
my steps had nearly slipped
3 because I envied the arrogant;
I observed how the wicked are well off:
4 They suffer no pain;
their bodies are fit and strong.
5 They are never in trouble;
they aren’t weighed down like other people.
6 That’s why they wear arrogance like a necklace,
why violence covers them like clothes.
7 Their eyes bulge out from eating so well;
their hearts overflow with delusions.
8 They scoff and talk so cruel;
from their privileged positions
they plan oppression.
9 Their mouths dare to speak against heaven!
Their tongues roam the earth!
10 That’s why people keep going back to them,
keep approving what they say.
11 And what they say is this: “How could God possibly know!
Does the Most High know anything at all!”
12 Look at these wicked ones,
always relaxed, piling up the wealth!
13 Meanwhile, I’ve kept my heart pure for no good reason;
I’ve washed my hands to stay innocent for nothing.
14 I’m weighed down all day long.
I’m punished every morning.
Daily Reflection & Prayer
“Often it is just a persistent longing, which is never satisfied by a to-do list, a rushing from task to task, or the quick kiss and an automatic ‘Love you’ before lights out.” Bowler, Kate, Joyful, Anyway (pp. 23-24). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Psalm 73 showed another facet of what Kate Bowler calls “the ache”—a persistent, never-satisfied longing. This psalmist’s ache took the specific form of envy. Too often we achingly judge our own life, negatively, against what we see in others. Thomas Aquinas reportedly said envy grieves any good thing that happens to our neighbor. In this psalm, the Hebrew poet observed that looking at others distorted reality (the wicked have no problems?) and nearly led to spiritual ruin. Constant ads for the newest phone, appliance, or car aim to create this kind of envy.
- Someone once joked that in America, contentment is making $10 a month more than your brother-in-law. In Psalm 73, it was “the prosperity of the wicked” that nearly destroyed faith in God. But we can even envy other believers (see Mark 10:35-41). Whose prospects, possessions, or position do you envy? If you examine the thoughts behind that envy honestly, are they accurate? Or do they distort reality the way they did for the psalmist?
- The psalmist’s story didn’t end with near-spiritual-ruin. Psalm 73 went on in verses 16-17: “When I tried to understand these things, it just seemed like hard work until I entered God’s sanctuary.” Turning attention back to God shifted something. Scholar John Goldingay said the poet realized: “The fact that faithless people are doing well now does not mean they will do well forever, and the fact that innocent people are suffering does not mean they will suffer forever.” * What helps you look farther than disappointment at the seeming success of those who ignore God? How can worship, prayer, Scripture, and community refocus your perspective from envy?
Prayer
O God, thank you for valuing me, even when I compare myself unfavorably to others. Give me contentment in being the person you’ve made me to be. Free me from the ache of envy. Help me serve you and others with the gifts and talents you’ve given me. Amen.
GPS Insights
Denise Mersmann
Denise Mersmann, who serves as the Care Coordination Director for the church wide Care Central department at Church of the Resurrection, wrote today's Insights.
It isn’t hard to think, feel, sound like the psalmist. No one else ever suffers. Everyone has more than I do. No one has to deal with the challenges I have to. I have certainly lamented all of those things and more.
It is easy to look around and see that someone has a bigger house, a fancier car, vacations to more exotic places or something else to measure against. In my younger years, I wasted a lot of time measuring. The trick was, however, no matter what I had to feel good about, I could and would keep looking until I found something that left me feeling dissatisfied.
And in the midst of this, I found it was hard to be really excited for someone else’s happiness. After all, I deserved that happiness too. But that’s where my thinking was way off target. You see, I was measuring the size of someone’s house as the quantity of their contentment; their car as a yardstick of their happiness, and their vacations as a scale of their joy.
But as we had our kids, it became clear that those things I was comparing to determine how happy I was really didn’t matter at all. Suddenly, everything started to tilt a little.
It didn’t matter how big our house was because it was a place where our kids brought friends to hang out. It was their safe space where they genuinely loved to be. And our minivan, while not the coolest vehicle on the road, was safe and regularly loaded with their friends heading to games, practices, and play dates. We didn’t travel the seven seas, but we took great family vacations where we spent time together doing things we loved and trying new things.
Our kids are adults now, and as we plan our summer vacation with them and their significant others, I realize how blessed we are that they want to use their time off to be with us.
They bring their people home to spend the holidays in our not-huge house. Over the years I have seen our little house in a totally different light. It is regularly filled with friends playing mahjong, watching ball games, just sitting around chatting and usually overfilled with people. It’s not the biggest house, but it is a home where everyone knows they are welcome and loved.
Our cars get us where we want to go. They take us to the people we love and to events and activities those loved ones are involved in.
We are truly blessed with a home, cars, and the resources to travel and host events. But you see, over the years I have learned that the true measure of happiness has nothing to do with my stuff. It has to do with my heart.
Once I began to realize what truly matters, I was able to be happy for the success of others. I have what brings me joy. I have things that cannot be measured, but fill my life, my heart and change how I see success.
Over the course of this weekend, we had a sleepover with my niece and her family playing and hanging out on the farm, we spent an evening with a dear family whose high school and college age boys we have watched grow up into amazing young men, we had dinner with friends, sat on a friend’s patio and watched a ballgame, prayed with a dear friend for her daughter who was injured, spent an afternoon with siblings and in-laws grilling out, and a day making cookies to celebrate someone’s special family events.
None of these things can be bought–there isn’t a dollar value to place on any of these. But these things are my true measure of happiness. The barometer of my joy isn’t in the quantity or value of my possessions, but in the people in my life.
Now that I have finally realized what truly matters, I want that for everyone. The love of family and friends, a safe place to be, and a support group when you need it. And as you get these things, I will truly be cheering for you and celebrating your success, no matter how you measure it!
© 2026 Resurrection: A United Methodist Church. All Rights Reserved.
Scripture quotations are taken from The Common English Bible ©2011. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
References
* John Goldingay, Psalms for Everyone, Part 2: Psalms 73–150. Westminster John Knox Press, p. 11.
